One of the many things I loved about Scott and his passion for the outdoors was that nothing stopped him from his adventures. If he couldn’t find a partner in crime, he just went solo. As a mom, I didn’t always love the concept, but at the same time I was always proud and looked forward to the “mom I’m off the mountain” call. I got all the stories first as his main sponsor of bear spray and gas money. When I worried about him being lonely, he frequently shared how he loved the solitude in nature. And when it came down to it, he would rather be alone in the mountains than at a party with friends.
I was always envious of his initiative and told him multiple times I wanted to solo backpack. However, up until this month, I never made it a priority, making excuses such as not having enough time off work, etc.
That changed this month. I went on my first solo backpacking trip in the Sawtooths.
Frankly, I wanted to go as soon as I lost Scott. My desire to feel close to him in the mountains was and continues to be strong. However, snow levels and a family vacation postponed the trip until July. I knew the location immediately. I would return to one of my favorite backpacking trips with Scott, Cramer Lakes in the Sawtooths. Scott was in middle school for that trip. This trip was only our third backpacking trip, so we were advanced enough to have the right gear but green enough to be excited for every moment.
I packed all my usual gear, but focused on safety as well. I packed two battery packs, knowing my iPhone with satellite connection replaced my Garmin. I also packed bear spray for protection for both two-legged and four-legged predators. I opted for my larger backpacking tent so I could keep all my gear inside it. I definitely went for comfort vs lightweight for this trip, knowing I might be a little edgier on my own. I had all the basics, including a JetBoil, an insane amount of snacks for the 2,000 ft elevation gain on day 1, and a sleeping bag and pad. I also brought my backpacking chair and journal that I write nightly letters to Scott in. I downloaded some movies and meditations in case my emotions got the best of me. I also brought Scott’s Black Diamond hiking poles to help with stream crossings (not my strongest skill) and to protect my tired knees. I am a huge AllTrails fan and always download my map prior to leaving.
On Wednesday morning around 10 a.m., I caught the ferry from Redfish Lodge. At $26 round-trip, the ferry saves mileage, which is always an advantage when carrying a big pack! No advance reservations are required, and they accept credit cards and Apple Pay. I have always known backpackers to be incredibly friendly. I was lucky enough to share the ride with a couple from Hailey who gave me insight into the best camping sites at Cramer.
The ferry drops you off at Redfish Inlet, which immediately greets you with a beautiful river. The 7.5-mile hike began with strong emotions. All the memories came flooding back as I passed the huckleberries where Scott had shown young kids how to identify the edible ones. He reigns as the king of boy crushes, with glowing parents looking on. It took my breath away, and tears flowed as I vividly heard his voice and laughter on the trail. I walked through the hurt until the pain was replaced with the warmth of his presence. I could hear him in the rustle of the trees and feel him in the cool mountain breezes. I know the mountains will always bring him to me.
Full confession: I forgot how much this hike was uphill! So crying and huffing up the hill was a little rough at first, but my body and mind adjusted quickly. About 4 miles in, I had the river crossing at Flat Rock. I pulled out another piece of essential gear, my Tevas! I always bring these sandals for river crossings and relaxing at camp after a long hike! After the crossing, I took out my Caprisun that I’d frozen the night before. It was the perfect temp for a quick break on the hot day. Taking a Caprisun with me on hiking trips is another way I keep Scott’s memory close. Anyone who knows him knows the kid LOVED Caprisuns. I also had an apple and cheese, recognizing the importance of keeping up the carbs for energy for the second, steeper half.
The second half of this hike is steeper and includes switchbacks, but nothing technical or overly challenging. I made it to Lower Cramer Lake by 3 p.m. Following my ferry friends’ advice, I went straight to the waterfall and took the sharp right towards the lake. Sure enough, there was the dreamiest campsite I have ever stayed at, and I had it all to myself! The waterfall was close enough to provide the most beautiful white noise, which I knew would help me sleep. It would help drown out the creatures and avalanches that seem louder once the sun set.
At this point, I was pretty sweaty from the sun, elevation, and heavy pack. I had the lake entirely to myself and thought, “What would Scott do?” The answer was simple. Dive in! I can’t even express how exhilarating it felt. The shock of the cold and the sense of freedom felt unreal. I have been to several alpine lakes, but for unknown reasons, never took the leap. I can tell you that won’t happen again.
In fresh clothes and sans the salty sweat, I felt refreshed and ready for the evening. I filtered water and spent a lot of time just sitting by the lake. I did a short yoga practice with a view of the waterfall and wrote many pages in my letter to Scott. I wrote down all the memories that came flooding back as a result of reenacting our trip.
I can tell you time slows down when there are no distractions. Even with my swim, yoga, and journaling, it was only 6 p.m. when I realized I was starving and ready for dinner. I pulled out Scott’s favorite backpacking meal, Peak Refuel Sweet Pork and Rice. I am not sure how this meal tastes off the mountain, but after a long hike, it is pretty amazing! I topped it off with Calm Electrolytes, knowing that I lost a few electrolytes quickly with the warmer weather and elevation gain.
After dinner and more letter writing, the mosquitoes were no longer deterred by my bug spray. There is a strict fire ban in the Sawtooths, so I had no fire to keep them at bay. I put all my food and scented items in a bear bag. By some miracle, I got my rock bag over a straight tree branch on the first try. My friends who backpack with me know this is a rarity. I am always bear aware. My solo trip was no exception. To be honest, I am more worried about chipmunks taking my food than bears in the Sawtooths, but better safe than sorry.
I hopped into the tent at around 8 p.m. I downloaded some shows and maybe watched one before I realized that my battery packs were not faring well. To save battery life (remember, my phone is my SOS), I turned off all electronics and pretty much passed out before 9 p.m. I was pleasantly surprised that I felt completely comfortable on my own. I actually feel more anxious in a campsite due to accessibility than I do on this lake by myself. So falling asleep/passing out was not an issue after a long hike.
Due to the early bedtime, I was up with the sunrise. I took a beautiful walk around Upper Cramer and confirmed I got the best camping site. I went back to my campsite to have breakfast and prepare for my day hike up Mount Cramer, using my glorious campsite as a base camp. And here is where things went south. I went to boil my water, and the JetBoil igniter was no longer working. I am never confident about those built-in igniters, so I had a matchbook with me. Everything worked great for my tea. Having a hot cup of tea on a brisk morning in the mountains is one of my favorite parts of backpacking. Not having to accommodate anyone’s schedule was pretty freaking awesome. However, when I went to make my oatmeal, none of my matches worked. After 7 tries, I realized this was why Scott brought a magnesium rod, which I passed up. So now I had no way to boil water for food. In addition, I looked at my aging phone and realized I only had 20% charge. Long story short, it soon became clear that my solo trip was going to be a one-nighter for safety reasons. I could have overcome the lack of a lighter since I knew more people would be showing up as the weekend got closer. However, not having the ability to communicate with Jeff and emergency resources was non-negotiable.
Was I disappointed that my trip got cut short and I was heading down the mountain? You bet. Was I a little relieved when I saw that storms and crowds rolled in that late afternoon? …Also yes. But most importantly, I was proud of myself for venturing out on my own and checking off solo backpacking on my bucket list. I can’t wait to make this an annual tradition, except this time I will get a bigger battery bank and bring a magnesium rod AND lighter for backups 🙂
